Say what you want to say when you have the feeling and the chance. My deepest regrets are the things I did not do, the opportunities missed and the things unsaid. – Jim Keller
He became what we are that He might make us what He is. – Saint Athanasius
OML Day 15: Last Call – Revealing Your Heart
With all the technology available to us today and all the countless ways of connecting with loved ones all around the globe, it’s amazing and, indeed, quite sad our lines of communication are breaking down around us between husbands and wives, parents and teens, and friends. Have you noticed that people would rather text you than call or visit? I’m guilty of this, too. Not letting myself off the hook. 😉 I text my family and friends all the time. I e-mail. When I was a teen, I lived on the phone! And now, I don’t like to talk on the phone at all. It’s easier to say what ya gotta say and go on your way.
Do my relationships suffer because of a lack of face-to-face communication? A lack of real face time? Probably.
I mean, when we talk on the phone, or text, or email, we can’t really listen to each other. Not deeply, anyway. We can’t see their expressions, or feel their feelings. Relationships become distant or fall apart, because we aren’t giving them the face time they deserve.
Talking about how you truly feel, even if it hurts the other, needs to be talked about and listened to. Listening is even more important. Really being there and hearing and trying to understand that other person’s point-of-view is probably the single most important thing you can do for another.
To me, being heard is what makes me feel the most loved. I know that about myself. I know why I feel this way and it’s from years of conditioning we don’t need to go into, but being heard makes me feel loved. I’m not always understood, which is ok, because I don’t understand myself the majority of the time. 😉 But, just being heard makes all the difference.
Listen to what your loved ones have to say. Don’t check your watch to see what time it is, or think up that list of things you need to buy at the grocery store, or brainstorm your latest project. We all need to learn how to be better listeners. Myself included.
Plenty of times, Hallie or Mama will be telling me something and my mind is drifting out in the ozone somewhere. I can’t tell you what they just said to me if my life depended on it. That is pitiful. They need to be heard, more than I need to be heard. Why? Because I love them with all my heart and soul and they deserve the best of me. They deserve the best parts of me, more than I need myself and my needs. If you truly love someone, you put their needs before your own. That’s what love is.
When you have something that needs to be said, please think first. Put your heart in it first. Always speak from your heart, not from your anger. If you are going to speak in anger, you should probably keep your lips sealed. Truth never comes out of anger. Hurt comes from anger. Miscommunication, resentment, rejection, tears come from anger. Words should never come through anger, because they will cut like a sword. A double-edged sword, piercing the heart. Not only cutting the person to whom you spew these angered words, but cutting yourself, as well. When you hurt someone else, you are hurting yourself, even if you don’t realize it.
When you speak from your heart, let Jesus live in there first, and let Jesus help you choose your words carefully. Allow him to help you choose just the right words. Loving, gentle words. You can get someone’s full attention with careful words. Ever hear of that saying, “You can catch more flies with honey?” It’s true. And as Mary Poppins sings, “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down,” loving, kind words can get your point across and will help the person more easily listen to what you have to say than if you speak in anger. Think about it.
Oh, yes, I know how hard it is when you are upset, in the heat of the moment, and it’s nearly stinkin’ impossible to hold it inside and you wanna give ’em a piece of your mind! I get that. Totally! But trust me. Been there, done that, and it does not get the job done, unless you want getting the job done to mean a loveless marriage, a divorce, the end of a friendship, or an estranged relationship. If you can’t be calm, get some fresh air until you can talk calmly. Fighting, yelling, cussing – it’s going to hurt, and quite possibly end your relationship. Got to get control of that anger and blame. Don’t just learn to listen and pay attention to people you love, but strangers, co-workers, everyone around you has something to offer, something to say. We all can learn to pay better attention.
I’m so broke I can’t even pay attention. No, that’s not true. If it’s one thing I can afford, it’s paying attention.
Hope y’all made it a thoroughly fabulous Thursday, or Friday Eve, as I refer to it. May tomorrow bring many blessings to you and those you love. Love ya! *hug*