Through the years, I’ve heard many people say they were an accident or that their child was an accident. That’s sad to hear, isn’t it? To think you were an accident?
My child was not planned by my ex-husband and me. However, I wanted her since I was 2 years old. She was not an accident. She was not expected by us at that moment but was a very nice surprise – a special gift from God. God planned her, as he planned you and me. Your parents may not have planned you or may have been planning for a boy and you turned out to be a girl. God planned for you to be what you are, no matter what your parents may have been planning, – or not, as the case may have been.
He planned us for a purpose. Each one of us had a purpose planned for us long before we were conceived. There is no such thing as fate, nor chance, luck, nor coincidence. How comforting is that?! He wanted us, whether our parents wanted us or not. He loved us before we were made. We were always in his plans, his mind, his heart.
Before my child came into existence, I admit, I never felt I had a purpose in this life. I had a horrible childhood, felt unloved and abandoned, unworthy of love even. I had been made to feel unwanted, stupid, ugly and just plain bad. I was told I was someone who would never amount to anything. I do not say these things to warrant your pity. I have a point and I’m getting to it. I do not regret one thing about my childhood or the rest of my life, please understand. For years, I thought off and on about wanting my life to end. I felt my existence was an accident. I was strong enough to pray about it, to pray to feel loved – to have a purpose. A miracle happened one night and God flooded me with his love (ask for details and I’ll explain further). It wouldn’t be until 14 years later that I would learn I had a purpose. However, the love would keep me going. Oh, maybe God had a purpose for me before Hallie came to be. I’m just unaware of that purpose, unless it was just the daily training of life that would get me to the point of my mothering role.
After I became pregnant with Hallie, I began to understand why I was raised the way I was, why I had the parents I had and why I had to experience certain struggles. It was preparing me for my future and what kind of parent my daughter needed. I still have a long way to go when it comes to parenting, such as needing a bit more patience and remembering what it was like for me at 11.
I have even farther to go when it comes to interacting with others as I have spent 42 years learning not to trust people. The older I get, though, the more closed off I become. Surely, this was not part of God’s plan for me, was it? He wants me to love, right? Love my brothers and sisters? I do love them, even if times I feel they are undeserving. I know I act undeserving at times, as well, as I can be just downright MEAN. But I do love. Can you love without trust?
God made you to love you and you are his special creation. Did you know he was thinking of you before he created this world? Wow! That’s love! He created this world for us. This world is part of our gift. The environment – he created for us. Are we taking good care of his gift?
We are the focus of his love. Do we really get that?
I know that he loves me. At times, I do question it, when I feel I’m being punished, but when I look at that little girl – the one I asked for since I was 2 – I know he must love me an awful lot! I should know his love by his sending his son to sacrifice himself FOR US. Looking at my daughter’s face and holding her in my arms is a physical, visual daily reminder of his love for me. I guess some of us need something more concrete, more visible, as reminders of his love for us.
I look at her and think of her in terms of what God did for us – sending his son to sacrifice himself for all of us. I admit, I’d never have the strength to sacrifice my child. I would die first before allowing any harm to come to my child. I cannot even fathom that kind of love – God’s love for us. Does that mean I put my child above God? No, of course not. Does it mean I am weak?
Anyway, I know now that I am not an accident. If you thought you were an accident, guess what? You were planned. You were a special creation by God. He always planned for you and always wanted you and he has a purpose that ONLY YOU can fulfill. Nobody else but you. So, there ya have it. You are special and you are wanted, and you are needed. And don’t forget it. If you feel you still haven’t found your purpose or feel you don’t have one, it will come. It took me 31 years to find or feel I have a purpose. Some may never even realize their purpose, but I assure you, ya still have one, and some, more than one.
God loves you and I do, too.
Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. How does it affect you? How does it make you feel about your life? Do you feel you were an accident? Have you found a purpose? How do you relate?
Don’t forget to participate in the Poll posted on the blog from “Day 1”. It would be great to get your input. Thanks, and y’all make today an awesome day!