Ok, I guess I didn’t really go anywhere, but I’ve pushed this blog aside, while paying more attention to www.adjustingyourfocus.wordpress.com, and not doing anything with this one, so…
I’ve decided to return to a book we were studying earlier. It was either between Reaching Your True Potential and The Bible. I’ve chosen to finish RTP first, because I started it before the Bible study.
So, without further ado, last we spoke re RTP, it was Day 4, which is titled Grow Your Own Belief Tree, posted June 15, 2011. Today, we begin again where we left off.
Day 5, Chapter 2 – Self Defeating Attitudes
“Becoming familiar with the ways you self-sabotage is the first step toward stopping those behaviors. … If you can identify the negative thoughts and poor choices as self-defeating before you engage in them, you can learn to break the chain and avoid self-defeating behaviors.”
The author, Sheri Zampelli, is absolutely right, isn’t she? Easier said than done, though, right? When you are raised with parents who self-sabotage, who are negative, who come from negative parents themselves, how in the world are you to break free from the chains of ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I’ll never be good enough’, etc. I’d love to break the chain, but breaking up is hard to do, no? I try to be nothing but encouraging and supportive of Hallie, but how do I do that for myself?
“You’re not a victim. You make your choices, and if you don’t like them, you can make different ones in the future. While identifying your self-defeating attitudes, try not to beat yourself up, or feel guilty or overwhelmed by what you discover. Think of this chapter as simply a tool to heighten your awareness. You can’t make permanent change unless you acknowledge your part in the problem. Upcoming chapters will show you how to change your self-defeating attitudes and behaviors, but you must identify as honestly as possible what needs to be changed in order for the upcoming chapters to be of any benefit.”
It’s probably the hardest thing in the world for me to do – stop self-sabotaging behavior. I’ve lived my life sabotaging myself. I don’t need anyone else to beat me down. I do a pretty good job of it all on my own. Ok, I’m aware of how I self-defeat. Well aware. I’m working on it. How ’bout you? Bring on those next chapters, ’cause I’m ready to learn how to change those attitudes and behaviors.
Notice I quit reading this book months ago. Another self-defeat. It’s almost like I enjoy self-sabotage. It’s my happy place. Ok, maybe not happy, but safe - it’s what I know. It’s cold and dark and I’m comfortable here.
Uniqueness–”I’m different. No one else is like me.”
“Yes, But” Thinking – When someone offers you up a solution to your problem, do you, without hesitation, throw that wall of defense up of “Yes, but that won’t work for someone like me, because…”, or “Yes, but, you don’t understand, my problem is different”? Instead of shutting down their idea, why not actually listen to what they have to say, and brainstorm with their suggestion, or at least part of it. “One aspect of effective, creative brainstorming or problem solving is to explore all ideas, even the ones that seem illogical.”
Comparing Yourself to Others – There’s always gonna be someone that’s better or worse than you at something. “Comparing ourselves to others only sets us up to be disappointed. I like the saying, “Measure yourself by your own yardstick.” You may not be as successful as you want to be, but you’re probably more successful than you used to be or at least much better off than you could be.”
“Do you compare yourself to others and always seem to measure up unfavorably?” Do you try something new and you want to be good at it practically overnight? Then, once you actually get started, you realize how much work it is and that it’s actually hard – more so than you expected? It requires daily practice? Rather than do the hard work, you start making excuses as to why it’s not for you or that you’ll never be any good at it? We explain things away in order to make it go away and make it ok for ourselves to say, “Nah, I don’t need the stress”, “It’s too expensive”, “I don’t have the time”, “I don’t understand it”, “It doesn’t come easy enough for me, so it’s obviously not meant to be”, “I have too much to do”, “I’ll never get the hang of it”. I know them all. I’ve said them all. When we think these things and believe these things, we find excuses and this is how we fail. We didn’t even really try. We just gave up. So, in truth, we don’t truly know if we ever would have ever been really great at that. Thing is, we probably would have been fantastic, if we’d given it a chance, and we might have found something we truly loved. “Oh, I’ll never be as good as him.” “Oh, she’s awesome and she’s been playing guitar since she was 8. I can’t be as good as her. Besides, I’m 43, and too old to start now.” Right. Whatever you gotta tell yourself. You’re lying to yourself. I’m talking to me here.
Making Excuses for Lack of Success – “Making excuses for lack of success can lead to failure. Are you making excuses for your lack of success? Are these excuses really valid?”
Having an Inferiority or Superiority Complex – Do you ever feel this way?: You either feel like everyone is smarter than you and you fear being “found out,” or you find yourself judging and criticizing others and wondering how the “idiots” ever got their jobs.
“If you tend to see yourself as better than everyone, or worse than everyone, you are separating yourself from humanity and saying in essence, “I am not the same.” This sets you up to make excuses and avoid reaching out for help.”
Tomorrow, hopefully, more of Chapter 2. G’night! *hug*
Photo courtesy of www.fotosearch.com